Rebuilding Discipline

Tanya Torres
Nov 16, 2025
2 min read

I wish I had one more weekend day! But it’s back to work tomorrow. I do in a weekend as much as possible, which is never enough, but is more than I was doing before. One brushstroke at a time, I have 3 watercolors and one painting in progress. And 2 drawings. My list was much longer, but I do what I can.

The most important action of the day(s) was starting the right way, with meditation and joy to live one more day. When you have been close to death, appreciating life is essential to starting the day. After so many years, it’s easy to go back to the original patterns of unconsciousness that bring us to illness. So I constantly try to pull myself back into presence and gratitude.

As I create art, joy grows. It helps me immensely to stay grateful and hopeful, and it helps me transform any negativity following me from the week. My job is difficult in that way. I need to work with many different people, and certain office cultures are heavy with what I perceive as frustration. This translates into people with OCD and anxiety, and as a very empathic person, I tend to pick up other’s feelings and emotions. Fortunately the school where I work is a happy place in general, and I have an office where I can insulate myself at least partially.

Lately, I have had a difficult time with empathy. When I arrive home in the evening I need to disconnect for so long that it takes up all my time. So on Fridays, I prime myself for creativity, celebrate freedom in my heart. I start early the next day so I can feel the sun and the light of the day.

I feel that as I paint Mary Magdalene, I can open myself to her presence and guidance. No words are necessary, no spoken prayers are needed. The act of devotion is in the act of creating. So today I prayed most of the day by painting another layer of this painting, that still needs a lot of work, but that now shows a little bit of progress.

As the end of the year approaches, I can feel that this has been a good year, even though it’s been challenging and I didn’t get to do everything I wanted to do. But a new years is coming, and I have rebuilt my discipline, which is the most important ingredient for building anything we want.