Forgiveness

Today’s drawing of Mary Magdalene

One of the greatest gifts I received this year has been the Magdalene Muses deck created by Patti Ashley using my images of Mary Magdalene. We just ordered a new batch since the first one has sold out!

For a while, I’ve been thinking of exploring the cards here, drawing one and sharing the thought and affirmation it contains. Today, as I was packing the last deck ordered and thinking about what to write, I remembered.

The card that came out was Forgiveness. The affirmation for this card is “I forgive and let go.” Patti writes that holding on to past resentments and self-judgement can keep us stuck in heaviness, depression and anger. Forgiving doesn’t mean accepting hurtful behavior, but dropping the heavy burdens that we sometimes carry due to lack of forgiveness.

Forgiveness, a card in the Magdalene Muses deck of cards by Patty Ashley and Tanya Torres

I have never been a person that carries grudges or refuses to forgive, but like any other human, there have been moments in my life that have required forgiveness. Fortunately, I learned to see that when people hurt us, it comes from their own hurt and not necessarily from something we did or intended.

A friend once told me that she loved me so much that even if I ever did anything that hurt her, she would forgive me instantly. At a time when I was going through a long period of disappointments and hurt from other friendships, her words meant a lot to me, and I decided to learn to adopt her philosophy of instant forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that I will stay in a hurtful situation, it means that I will step out, guarding the essential love that once united me to another person. I say “learn to adopt her philosophy” because it was not an instant ability. It was something I practiced for ten years until it became natural for me.

What are some ways to learn and practice forgiveness?

• Commitment to forgive: Be dedicated to the process of forgiveness, even when it's difficult. 

• Persistence: Forgiveness is a journey. Remain patient with yourself and continue to practice. If you find yourself feeling unforgiving, rest and try again.

• Self-compassion: Recognize that forgiveness takes time. Recognize that just as other people have fears that make them hurt, you may also have fears that cause you to hurt. Conquering your fear with patience will help you advance in the process of forgiveness.

• Acceptance: You may not be able to forgive immediately or fully. It’s a process and a practice. But it's still possible to release the hurt. 

Releasing the hurt

In meditation, after relaxing your body and finding quiet space within, imagine the person whom you need to forgive. In your heart, understand that their hurt is what made them be hurtful to you. See them healed, see them in their true form.

As Don Miguel Ruiz said in The Four Agreements: “It’s not about you, it’s about them.” When someone hurts us, it’s about their own hurt touching something within us that also carries hurt. But it’s never about the receiver, but about the person’s own feelings, insecurities, traumas and process. All we can do is understand that their acting is coming from fear, and that the only healing we can provide someone we need to forgive is understanding that basic truth.

I personally feel it’s best to step out of the way of someone who feels the need to be hurtful. They need to go through their own process, but we don’t need to be an active part of it. I may be wrong, I can’t say it’s an absolute truth. But going through more hurt is unnecessary, and it would probably just demonstrate our own feelings of guilt rather than forgiveness.

And finally, you can ask Mary Magdalene to teach you how to forgive. As a saint and a guide, as a personification of Sophia-Wisdom, she will guide you toward the knowledge that you need to heal your heart from hurt and grow into your truth of love.